an exam disaster

I'm really pissed off. PNJA was bloody difficult, especially listening comprehension. And the longer I analyze it, the more mistakes I can recall. The last part of LC was hardly comprehensible for me and the answers that I was sure for 100% turned out to be wrong:/ Screw it! Let's precede with the next part- tomorrow writing. I love narratives, but my imagination and creativity depend on the given topic. It's comforting I have a support of My A. He paints my each day with different colours that I absolutely adore:)

P.S. The words despised by me from now on: indefensible, inimitable and prophesize
the new words I got to know: cobber, copper:)

I would love You anyway...

'I would love You even if You did nothing
I would love You even if You got the thumbs down
I would love You even if You got and stayed sick
I would love You even if You gained ten pounds

I would love You even if You went bankrupt
I would love You even if You lost your hair and your youth
I would love You even if You were no longer king
I would love You even if You were not all knowing

You would be loved by me even when You numb yourself
You would be loved by me even when You are overwhelmed
You would be loved by me even when You were fuming
You would be loved by me even when You were clingy

I would love You even if You lost sanity
I would love You anyway...'

In my Heaven

I cannot understand why people don't believe in Heaven. I can't reject God nor Heaven if every time I wake up beside my Love I feel completely transcendental and so mystical- in the right place, at the right time. These are not wordly feelings. I adore taking in the smell of his body and resting my head upon his male chest. His respect and love are detectable through my skin. In that very moment The Heaven descends on Earth for a little while.

purification

Today I discovered (or maybe rediscovered) how much our past influences our future life. Nothing new isn't it? However, going back in my memories I can see that I shouldn't have experienced some of the events. They affected me immensely. They shaped my mind which is a kind of pain in the ass sometimes. The worst thing is that it is not only MY burden, but also people's who I live with. However, the more I think about my existency, the more I know about myself and I'm aware of evil and good concealed in me.

another shade of ego

I would never assume that I can be so possessive. I would like to be the one and only. It seems reasonable but at the same time quite disturbing. I think such strong feelings as love make us egoistic and confined to the person we love. Strange but true. The most important thing is to feel that you ARE a very important person in another's life- and that makes sense.

in stupor

Yesterday's morning and afternoon was just horrid. After all the worst experience ever is a complete silence. Thoughts were spinning around causing doubts and creating unbelievable string of events. And a suspence hanging in the air was simply unbearable. A lunch I gulped down, stuck in my gullet. I was feeling unneeded, stunned, resigned and hardly eager to change the situation. I was trying to observe following steps and to see when we would end up. It is so difficult to be apart however, despite the troubles. Fortunately everything panned up positively. I've scattered Tychy, did some shopping and collected my thoughts sitting at the lake. The view of sun going down was incredible. And this coincidence gave me a glimmer of hope. I wanted that evening to be good till the end. And so it was:) This is amazing that My A. has no idea how his words influence me and how just one accidental sentence can give me comfort or at least hope (which is a lot). And everything is going on its own natural unpredictible route now...Good

the dark side of the Moon

Do you know this feeling when you do your best to understand someone's intention and words but they are just beyond your comprehension? You can't even be angry with the ideas which are just DIFFERENT, but not YOURS. Helplessness, numbness, a real scare and a sense of being somehow out of place, stupid or naive. Hate it! The truth is that you can't contratict yourself, adjust feelings to the circumstances. The first impression just pops out automatically and you can't reject it. I know I am very strict person and complex, tiresome personality.But at the same time someone once told me that tolerance is my virtue. Probably not in close male- female relationships. We all have our shades, masks and they make us unique. It's not like that I have models in my mind and want people to fit perfectly to the patterns. I just need safety and assurance that I pace a right path with a right person beside me. Do I demand a lot?
The decisions seem to be made by means of impressions, feelings and intuitions rather than reason itself. And LOVE always wins (regardless what miserable people say). Mind just supports our Heart not letting us to commit emotional suicide.


No matter how much You adore Night, there's always dark side of the Moon...