Finally, the licentiate exam is over! Uff, quite a heavy load off my chest. And the whole procedure wasn't that bad as everyone expected it to be. The comission was eager to help and give the hints. What is more, we have as much time as we needed to get prepared. Now I'm enjoying my free time. Guess I forgot how to do it, constantly thinking of other things that should be done. I can't be bored, really.

Your sensitivity moves me deeply,
Your concern gives me comfort,
Your lovely gaze disarms me,
Your empathy assures me that
there is someone in this world
who really cares and understands me,
Timbre of your voice moves the innermost strings of my soul.
Thank You for lighting up my life.

Some things are better left unsaid
But they still turn me inside out

expectations

Once you want to fulfil everyone’s expectations, you end up with remarks from each of them. That’s so unfair. No matter how much I would deny that I don’t care what other people think, I know that’s not true. And if other people tell me so, I don’t believe them. We are ingrained in the culture. And of course we don’t care about other people’s opinion, but only if their view doesn’t mean anything to us. Rarely is it so. Everyone wants to create his dreamed- of image and be perceived in this very way. I just need to feel good with myself and my surrounding is indispensable for that. But at the same time, I’m aware of the fact that sometimes I need to choose the better option not the only right one- to keep balance in my mind.

An exam rush and a nice chillout afterwards

Finally, the struggle with College exams has finished. And I must say the results are satisfactory. I thought I was used to this constant rush and thrill that exams put on me. But the last days showed that my nervous system is also breakable. My friends were extremely stressed before the dissertation and this anxiety made me feel uncomfortable as well. It wasn’t the feeling that I used to experience sometimes, the feeling when your stomach is about to explode and your thoughts are spinning in a head like crazy. Unlike, this one was appropriate to the situation I ended up in. When I came home (actually My Dear’s home), I just wanted to crawl under the duvet and confined myself to my little world not to let anyone to trespass my area. But I simply couldn’t. Another exam was ahead of me and that made me depressed. Fortunately, My A. didn’t let me drown into the dark thoughts and I managed to deal with forthcoming night studying.
After the drudgery the time came for partying. I spent amazingly (though I was extremely tired) good time in Rybnik at my friend. Almost the whole group came up to celebrate the end of the exam session. Thank You Pala! I enjoyed it very much!
Now, nothing matters when it comes to studying. I’m taking a couple days off. A trip to Ogrodzieniec with the family was a nice idea to change the scene for a while. But from Monday, hard work is to begin- for licentiate exam- brr...sends the shivers down my spine.

the exams- to be continued

I have a bloody luck. The exams are going unexpectedly well regardless the amount of time I spent on learning. Probably my Guardian Angel is busy all the time dealing with my recklessness. I wish I was more consistent in my decisions and more responsible though...

I have to get to work for the upcoming dissertation and a test on judicial psychology.

bliss and happiness mingled with apprehension and fear

The past several days were filled with abundance of emotions. Once I felt like in heaven, lost and safe in caring arms of my Beloved One, another time completely confused, scared and anxious about the future. I think my warped personality can't accept the situation when I lose a grip. I want to have everything under control and anything that goes beyond the limits is rejected and makes me feel insecure. In a nicely arranged world any changes in plan must be faced with expetations and inner voice. I know, that's odd.

Moreover, the amount of work at College is overwhelming, but at the same time I handle it quite well. Somehow, in spite of the lack of time I am able to balance all chores.

I've noticed an amazing behaviour recently. There are people in the world who could be supporting and caring only if they are successful. But there are also people, in minority unfortunately, who can distance themselves from their 'failures' and even have appreciation for those who succeed. I have this honour and unbelievable luck to be close to such incredible people:) World becomes better because of them.